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Better Use This One Quick ...........

Found this item in the comments section at SondraK's place today.



It sounds like The Iraqi's are gonna hoist him in the very near future. Tomorrow Maybe?

It's not like he didn't earn it or anything.

Here's a Better Way to Support the Troops ......

Both Ace and SondraK had this info up yesterday, but I needed something here to offset the Moonbattery of those last 2 lefty hate fests posted below. All that wickedness will screw up your Karma. Sooooooooo. I think this is better than focusing on the negative side of life.

This young lady has created an old style PinUp Calendar for Vets.

Yeah, I'm sure this is much more positive.
Part of the proceeds (No, I don't know how much. Nor do I care) go to Veteran support projects.

I'm sure this calendar would look good on any barracks wall, so send one to your Active Duty Kids. They can also send one to a wounded vet for you.

Personally, I like that option.

I'll get this up on the links today. Maybe.

I'm Afraid This is Gonna Be a Regular Thing ............

Geez, I thought they were gonna lighten up a bit now that the Democrats were back in the saddle. The crazy ass reactions to a little Girl singing a song to her brother (see post below) and now this crazy ass shit over a guy who was basically a chair warmer?

This worries me. Unk isn't used to being wrong about this kinda shit. But I've been Waaaaaaaaaay wrong on how deep the hatred runs out there. This is a disturbing thing for me. I knew the hate was already crazy bad. But Damn. How crazy are these folks?

Check this shit out.

professor Schlong has a nice collection of quotes from the Inmates at Democratic Underground regarding the death of President Gerald Ford.

Here's a small sample -

"May he rot in hell for his cowardice and complicity."

"The guy was an EVIL MOTHERFUCKER who sent many innocent Americans to death for war profits. Fuck him and the bunch who rode in with him. 'm glad he is dead! I only wish he suffered more!"

"Ford was a bumbling idiot of a politician alright and little else except an enabler for the gop lies that continue to this day. Good damn riddance, thats my opinion"

"If you can't say anything nice about a person....then that person must be a recently deceased republic president."

Hmmmmmmmmmm. That may give you a small insight of what the "Progressive Wing of the Democratic Party" is all about these days. Remember this. The Democratic Underground is not some little fringe website. This is one of the largest political sites on the web. They are Web linked by most every major Democratic organization, candidate and politician.

Those folks quoted above? Yeah, Meet the new boss.

I've pretty much gotten away from polictical commentary. Mostly, because there are a million others out there who do it way better than I do. And a guy like me isn't going to be able to make any damn difference about the way most anyone feels or thinks about politics. Or any other shit, either.

But the irrational hatred thing going on is just weird and wrong. Real wrong. Unk is felling a "Distubance in the Force" that is very ............. Troubling. I've not been paying attention to this crap for quite awhile.

Maybe I'll start paying more attention.

"But We Support the Troops"...........
Mary Katherine Ham offers up a great example of just HOW leftists "Support Our Troops". HERE.

Damn! She's just a little girl, singing a song about how she misses her big brother.

I can't explain this BS. That level of hatred is so off the chart ...............

Shit. I'm going for a ride and to further field test my new helmet. These Fucknozzles are hopeless.

As 2006 comes to a close, I'm already obsessing about the 2007 race season. Like many of you, I get twitchy when I don't have a race on the calendar. Even an upcoming 5k fun run seems to energize me with anticipation and put some spring in my step. But nothing matches the feeling of seeing a full calendar of new races and adventures for the next year. It does more than structure my training...on some deep level, it helps give my life meaning. It is proof that I'm making the choice to live in this world, instead of on this world. Each race is a guaranteed journey of spiritual and physical adventure.

Christi, my wife, has observed my race selection ritual for a couple of years now and had some good advice for me. First, she says I'm happiest when I choose new races and new trails, rather than race the same schedule and improve my times. Second, I enjoy the challenge of stretching my comfort zones in at least one race, such as going longer or steeper than ever before. Lastly, she suggests having at least 1-2 destination races where we can take a few days to check out a new town, city, or natural wonder. Sophie, now four months old, casts her vote for anything with lots of recovery time and bright colors. ;-)

With that advice, I have put together my race schedule for 2007. It has a mix of trails, road marathons, triathlons, duathlons, and plenty of opportunities for adventure. My anchor race for the year will be the Tahoe Rim Trail 100m, my first 100-miler.

Pacifica 50k, 1/20 - This is a new race (2nd annual this year) put on by Pacific Coast Trail Runs. It's not too far from my house, but I haven't run in this park yet. This will be a great way to tour the whole park in one day.

Pony Express 100k, 3/31 - I had wanted to try this loop course last year, but the race was canceled due to a washed out trail. I really enjoyed the loop format at Ruth Anderson 50k last year since it gave me a chance to run with lots of people I usually only see at the start and end of the race (because they are faster or slower).

Boston Marathon, 4/16 - My job takes me to Boston every April, which happens to align perfectly with the biggest party in town. This year is also the Women's US Marathon Championships which will be fun to watch. A friend has suggested I run in costume this year - if anyone knows where to get a good Godzilla costume, I'll go for it. ;-)

Big Sur Marathon, 4/29 - I've always wanted to do this race down the beautiful stretch of Hwy 1 near Big Sur, and Carmel is a great place to bring the family (including Rocky!). It's also on my birthday, so why not celebrate with a gorgeous run?

Quicksilver 50k, 5/12 - I've heard a lot of great things about this race in the golden foothills of San Jose, CA. Mark Lantz and Mark Tanaka tell me there is nothing flat on this course, and that sounds perfect.

Silver State 50m, 5/20 - Nearly 20,000 vertical feet in 50 miles sounds like an ass-kicking day that is perfect training for the Tahoe Rim Trail 100m. This will be a good checkpoint to see if I'm ready for TRT, especially since I can run on tired legs just a week after Quicksilver.

Mt. Diablo 50k, 6/2 - I need some exposed mountain training for TRT, and the Pacific Coast Trail Runs Mt. Diablo 50k can certainly provide that. This mountain has taunted me for years, since it's what I see from my bedroom window each morning as I look over the bay. Time to meet this devil face to face!

Pacific Crest 1/2 Ironman, 6/23 - My unlucky lottery number at Western States leaves this weekend free to join my extended family in Bend, OR, for an endurance weekend. My 7-year-old neice, Maia, will do the Kid's Tri, while my father goes for another 65+ age group podium finish in the Olympic Duathlon. Christi and Sophie are going for the 5k walk. I'm going for the 1/2 Ironman that tours the Cascade Lakes and runs through Sunriver Resort. Time to dust off that bike!

Tahoe Rim Trail 100m, 7/21 - This is it, my first 100-miler and anchor race for the year. I will be honest with you, the thought of doing this race kinda scares me. The 50k and 50m have kicked my ass the last two years, and this would be doubling down and going all night. But I have a secret plan to help me get through it - I am running this as a tribute to my late step-father, David Rowe. I think of him often as I explore fatherhood for the first time, and was able to conjure 100 fond memories of him to keep me company during the race. It will be fun to "pace" with him, and I'm sure I will get through it with his help. This is also the 100 mile national championships for both the USATF and RRCA, so I'm hoping to get some good pics of the super-elites on the out-and-backs.

12 Hours of Cool, 8/11 - As long as I'm training for night runs, how about an all-nighter on the great trails of Cool, CA? I've never done a timed event like a 12- or 24-hour, and I love the trails around this area. Sounds like a perfect mix of crazy new things, assuming I can recover from TRT in three weeks.

Mutt Strutt 5k, 8/18 - Rocky insisted that I add this man/dog race and fundraiser for the Penninsula Humane Society. We're hoping to place in the 20 lb and under category!

Trans-Sierra Crossing, 8/26 - This 16-mile trail run/56-mile bike goes up the famed Rubicon Trail near Lake Tahoe, then bombs down the other side. It's the first trail run/road bike combo I've seen, so I would like to give it a try.

Sierra Nevada Double Marathon, 9/22 - If the Pony Express, TRT, and 12 Hours of Cool go well, I should be a contender in the Fuel Belt Ultrarunner.net Series. In this scenario, the SV Double would be a good one for getting points on the board.

New York Marathon, 11/6 - My job is taking me to NYC in November, so I'm going to hang around and run the urban jungle New York Marathon. It may not sound extreme, but for a trail guy like me, it's about the most pavement I can handle!

Santa Barbara 9 Trails, 11/24 - Christi's family is doing Thanksgiving in Santa Barbara this year, so I'm heading back to the scenic and challenging 35-mile SB9T. It was only my second ultra the first time around, so I'm hoping to give it a stronger effort this year.

I've also put in my lottery tickets for the Ford Ironman Triathlon Championship and The Death Ride, neither of which I have ever won. Should one of these come through, I may rearrange a little. Plus there is plenty of space to fit in other races should I have the time and energy.

Too much? Probably. It sure feels good to put it all on the calendar. Let me know if you're going to be at any of these (that means you, Olga and the SS50!) and we'll make sure to get your photo in the race write-ups.

Happy New Year!

SD

Unk Buys Himself a Christmas Gift ............

I broke down and bought myself a new Motorcycle Helmet.
Yep. Bright Ass Yellow.


I want those goofy Bastards in the SUV's to see me coming. MAYBE then they'll quit pulling out in front of me. I ain't holding my breath on that one, but a guy can hope anyway.

The UPS Girl dropped it off this morning. Since it was sunny and 'sposed to get up around 50 degrees .............. I decided to give it a test drive.

I actually took a few minutes to read and figure out how to work all the air vents and installed the breath guard and chin curtain.

The fit is perfect. It's a very comfortable helmet.

First thing I noticed was, even with the faceshield up, my glasses started fogging up. Not good.
I'm not sure why, but that seemed to lessen some the longer I wore it. When you're in motion and riding along it is very quiet and you can really feel the breeze pulling thru the vents. No fogging when you're moving. Fogs like a bitch when you slow down or stop though.

This may be a combination of -
1) The Weatherman lied. It never got above 42 degrees.
2) I haven't figured out the proper configuration of the vents yet to maximize the air flow.
3) The SOB if just like that and I'm gonna be pissed.

Right now I'm afraid it's #3. I rode for about 4 hours to test it and I had to crack the shield open every time I came to a stop. This doesn't look good for those Summer rain days. Days when cracking open the shield allows rain to get on the inside of the shield and makes you look through spots you're unable to wipe away.

Speaking of that. The shield locks down and seals like a champ.

Damn. I may call New Enough tomorrow and ask them about this shit. I'm not sure what the hell I'm gonna do at this point. New Enough is a great company and I doubt they would give me any grief about sending it back.

If the weatherman isn't lying again, I'll take another ride tomorrow and see if it's any better in warmer weather.

I really like the helmet. But shit, for as much money as the damn thing cost, I'd expect less fogging. We'll see what developes.

Per suggestion of a few blog readers, I signed up to be a Marathon Maniac this month. This loosely organized running club is for the 400+ runners who run lots of marathons/ultras each year, and has a welcoming atmosphere of fun and celebration.


The Marathon Maniac club was started in 2003 by three runners who agreed that "more races is better". Center to their club philosophy is the Maniac Criteria that awards each runner with an insanity level based on their biggest streak of marathons in one year. The streak is either "marathons in a row" or "marathons in a year". I get the Gold Level for 15 marathons/ultras in one year, whereas Trail Runner Magazine Trophy Series Ultra winner Van "Pigtails" Phan gets the Titanium Level for 53 marathons/ultras this year.

One cool thing that members can do on the Marathon Maniac Web site is keep track of your marathon/ultra finishes on one page. For those of you who want to log your races but don't want to take the time to do a full-blown blog, this is a great way to just write one or two lines about each finish. Check out Van Phan's 50+ race log for 2006 for a good example.

I hope all of you (Maniacs or not) are having a great holiday. I have a relaxed training plan for these next two weeks - running for fun when time permits, and the tai-chi-with-15-pound-medicine-ball known as holding baby Sophie. My preliminary 2007 race schedule is up on the right - Pacifica 50k is already coming up!

Cheers, SD

Christmas Downer. James Brown Dead .............

Well crap. I realize, probably better than most of you, that Christmas is just another day when it comes to death.

But damn if I wasn't sorry to hear about The Godfather of Soul passing away early this morning.

My older brother, Chief was the one who turned me on to Soul Music at an early age.
When I was about 15, I had a big poster of him on my wall. The Old Man didn't get it and was worried about me. He wasn't the most enlightened guy and Soul Music, like most everything else we listened to just drove him nuts.

And all you "Moon Walk" MoFo's? Michael f*ckin' Jackson did NOT invent that shit. James Brown did.

Michael Jackson never has nor never will dance as funky as James Brown. James Brown was a real MAN.

End of story.

The Best Christmas Gift I Ever Got ...........

Wasn't even a gift intended for me, nor did I get to keep it. I know that doesn't make sense, so let me explain ...........

Christmas Eve 1999, I was working the day shift and it was a relatively slow morning so far. It was about 25 degrees out, snowing pretty hard and it looked like we were gonna get a white Christmas.

At about 8:15 that morning, a young fella comes strolling in the backdoor and tells me he needs a wheelchair for his wife, who he tells me is ready to deliver her baby. Cool. He's acting all cool and shit, so I scoop up a wheelchair and head out towards the back. I'm asking him all the stock questions as we go. Seems her water broke about 30 minutes ago. It's her second child and she hasn't had any contractions yet.

These are all good answers and he was right on 2 out of 3.

We go outside and I see a brand new shiny red Mustang GT parked at the curb with a young woman in the passanger seat. And that's when I also noted that she had - THE LOOK.

Uh Oh.

Now Dad was still not aware that things were not quite as he believed them to be at this point, but I started moving faster and paying less attention to him and more towards what I was seeing in the Mustang.

Sure as shit, when I got close, the young Mother looked out the open window at me and screamed - "The Baby's Coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I hauled ass over there and she's got both feet up on the dashboard grunting and puffing like Teddy Kennedy at a Sorority House Party. She tells me the baby's coming and I believe her at this point. Oh Crap!! My "Pucker Factor" hits Warp 9 and I send Dad running back to the ER for Backup.

The young Lady had on a pair of white sweat pants so I just pulled them out and ......... DAMN!!
The Kid's head is already out!!! I yanked her pants down, kinda up in this case, and was really wondering where my coworkers and Doctor were at this point.

Now she's in the front bucket seat of a little sportscar with her feet up on the dashboard. The ergonomics were not real good for delivering a Baby, so I'm fumbling like mad, trying to find the seat release to lay that seat back.

She's sweating and grunting. I'm sweating and scared as hell and trying to find that damn seat release, when all of a sudden I found it.

She was braced, with those feet on the dash, pushing like hell when I popped that seat release and ...... WHAM!! That seat flew back and that Kid came flying out of there like a shot!

Now, I'm a "Crosseyed Little FuckTard" or CELF, and have the hand/eye coordination of most Garden Slugs, but I made a one handed stab that would have made any Major League Shortstop proud and snatched that Kid up in midflight and then immediately went into brain lock.

Thank G-d, the brain lock only lasted a few seconds as that Kid was blue as a Smurf and not breathing. My brain re-engaged and I started rubbing the little shit, while keeping it's (I didn't know what the sex was yet) head point down to drain anything from it's mouth.

After what seemed like an eternity, that kid took a big ol' breath and then let out a very nice sounding cry. Mom and I started breathing again at that point.

Finally, Suzie came out the back door with a cart and Dad was right behind her. Now remember, it was 25 degrees out and snowing hard and I'm holding this steaming little baby and trying to figure out what the hell to do next. I calmly screamed like a little school girl, "I GOT A DAMN BABY HERE!!!!!" I then had Dad take off his Greatful Dead, tie dye tee shirt and utilized it as a swaddling cloth.

The Doctor finally came sauntering out, taking his sweet ass time and Suzie about ran his ass over carrying the "Precipitous Delivery Package" out to the car.

So here I am holding this slimey little bundle in my bare hands and the first word out of Dumbass Doc's mouth is to ask me for a Bulb syringe so he can suction out the baby's mouth.

I politely replied that, "I would be happy to shit one out for you if you have a minute, but I really thought you may have thought to bring one with you. Asshole". He was not impressed with my answer. We clamped and cut the cord and Doc, Suzie and Dad took off inside with the Baby, leaving Mom and me still out in the car.

I looked at mom, and since she was a little bitty thing, I just reached in and snatched her ass up and tossed her on the cart. Her pants were still down around her ankles and her ass was hanging out in the wind, but I figured it was the thing to do at the time. She didn't seem to mind.

As I was wheeling her into the ER she asked me if it was a Boy or a Girl.

I had no clue. I had held the Baby face down the entire time and never even saw the business side of things.

Turned out it was a 6 lb 6 oz little Girl who had all her fingers and toes in order and she did just fine. Mom and Baby were moved up to the OB floor shortly afterward.

So that was the best Christmas gift I never got - 7 years ago today. I forget what they named her, but I wanted to call her "Mustang Sally".

But nobody asked me.

Merry Christmas To Ya'll ..............

We here at the GrumpyUnk Command and Control Bunker, wish each and all - 3 or 4 of you who read this crap - a sincere Merry Christmas!

Unk be going to work shortly and the ER will be hoppin' again today. So I figured I better say what I have to say now. Don't know when I'll get a chance later.

Here's that beautiful picture of Christmas at Arlington National Cemetery again.

Say a prayer for all of our Service Men and Women will Ya?

And don't think that, just because it's too late for Christmas gifts, you can't click on a support organization or 2 on the sidebar over on the right there and still help. Yeah over there ->.

They're gonna be there for awhile and can use our help all year round.

God Bless 'em all.

Unks gotta run.

No Really, I Don't Want to Buy a Damn Flower ..........



No, This post has absolutely nothing to do with Billy Idol. The picture just makes me laugh.

I can picture him doing a Christmas special. Ok, maybe not.


Anyway -





I've written HERE before about my Bestest Buddy, Steve. The only person I've ever seen get run over by his own motorcycle. Yeah, that's an accomplishment most Riders can't brag about.

I was out in the Garage a bit ago smoking. It's really nasty outside tonight and it reminded me of a night a long time ago when Steve and I were on a rode trip with similar weather ................

We'd already been riding for 2 weeks up into and around in Canada and had crossed back into the States at buffalo, NY. We were on our way to West Virginia to see his family there and We'd already had a shit load of good times. Even though it had rained for the first eight days of the trip we'd had a great time already and it looked as if the weather was gonna improve. It was bright and sunny that morning as we came through Customs and re-entered the States.

Then we ended up on that G-D Awful, Toll Road around Buffalo. Holy Crap! A toll Booth every 30 - 40 yards! We spent all of our breakfast money in the first 4-5 miles on tolls. That's when I saw a sign heading South.

A big Green Sign and an Arrow, saying "New Rochelle". Well, Shit. Laura Petrey? Dick VanDyke? Hell, that's all we needed to see after the Toll Road of Buffalo. South it is!

It turned out that Hwy 62 was a hell of a nice ride. I really don't know if we even went through New Rochelle, NY. Didn't matter. The weather was great and the road was nice (At least it was way back then). We had a great ride across New York and into Pennsylvania.

Then the weather went to shit. Started raining and the temperature dropped into the low 40's. Now, I'll bet Hwy 62 is a hell of a nice ride in Penn. It follows the Allegheny River and is curvy and I'm sure, it's fun to ride in good weather and daylight.

It was friggen' miserable that night. Neither of us had decent rain gear and we were soaked and freezing. I mean COLD. We kept pushing on. Mostly because we were to stupid to stop, but there wasn't any place to stop anyway, for what seemed like forever.

We finally ended up in Oil City, Pennsylvania. We pulled into a 7-11 type Gasso, to fill up and warm up. We topped off the bikes and headed inside to get some coffee and warm up. Standing outside of this place was a Moonie selling flowers. I never see Moonies anymore, but there were a lot of them around then.

He tried to sell us each a flower by getting between us and the door. We both growled, pushed him out of the way and kept heading towards the coffee, figuring we needed that more than a damn flower.

We hung out inside warming up, till the clerk started getting nervous. We then went outside and Damn, that Asshole Moonie, tried to sell us a flower AGAIN.

Knowing Steve like I do, when he put on his Game Face and told that guy, "You bother Me one more time about those Flowers, I'm gonna Fuck You up" - I knew what was coming.

Sure enough. Not 2 minutes later, Moonie Boy came back hitting us up to buy a flower. Steve and I both had a coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other.
Steve calmly put the doughnut in his mouth and .............................. WHAM!! He blasted Moonie Boy right in the chops.

Flowers, teeth and Moonie Boy flyin' everywhere. Damn, it hurt me just seeing him land 4-5 feet from where he was standing. He was just laying there, spread eagle on the ground.
Out like a light.
Flowers all over him.
Bleeding.
It was beautiful.

Then the Cop, who had been parked in the alley walked up. SHIT.

He looked at Moonie Boy.
He looked at us.

Back at Moonie Boy.
Back at us.

Nobody said a word for what seemed like a loooooong time. The Cop just kept looking back and forth between us and what was rapidly becoming, in my mind, an Abstract Art exhibit titled - "Moonie Boy with Bloody Flowers in the Rain".

Neither Steve or I wanted to say a damn word. We just stood there holding our breath. I was thinking to myself, "Well at least it'll be warmer in jail than where we've been tonight".

Finally, the Cop says to Steve - "I told him not to bother you two". And he calmly walked back to his car and called for EMS to come pick up the "Art Exhibit" still bleeding in the parking lot.

We hauled ass and kept motoring.

Enough is enough, says Dean. Time to get back with family. 28 days and 1,300 miles into his cross-country trek from New York to San Francisco (this was started the day after his 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days), Dean is throwing in the towel. He made it back to St. Charles, MO, where he began his Endurance 50 challenge, and felt it was enough closure to stop and and head home.

A quote from an LA Times story:

"I had a kind of epiphany," he said. "I missed my family and my kids so bad, and even though I saw them at Thanksgiving and thought I had gotten my fill of them, I realized I hadn't...as encouraging and supportive as everyone has been throughout all of this, I wanted to be with my kids and be back in their lives."

This quote is from his blog:

"I’ll be taking some time off now. Doing what I’ve been doing, running and getting after some great adventure with others, has been like a dream. I say “like” a dream, because the one critical element missing from the equation is my family. If they were with me, it would be a dream. Without them, my heart is forever torn. I need to get back to them."

I'm glad Dean is back with his family for the holidays. The whole thing reminds me of that scene from Forrest Gump where he's running through the desert and stops to say "I'm kinda tired...I think I'll go home now."

Life imitates art once again. ;-)

SD

Oh, Was That My Head, Your Knee Ran Into in the ER, Yesterday??

Nothing says, "Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men" - like a friggen' knee to the back of the head. Did I not tell you that the Holiday Season brings out the best in the Zombies?

"I'm so depressed!! My life sucks!! I want to kill myself!! Except, I don't have the balls to really do it!! I want you all to feel sorry for me - as long as it's on my terms."

Jeepers!! A suicide attempt is against the law, people. Don't be a scoff law, dammit!!

DO IT RIGHT!!!!!!

Don't drink a bunch of beer, take a handful of pills and immediately call your loved one and tell them about your asshole move. Your Insignificant Other will call 911 and EMS will have to bring your dumb ass into the ER. Then some poor, burnt out RN like me will have to do shit that you won't like. Needles and tubes. Think, Needles and Tubes.

Oh, and fighting with the ER staff and the Police will NOT make you look like a stud.

But that bastard DID get a knee into the back of my head. Surprised the shit out of me that the fat bastard was flexible enough to do that.

My bad. I must be slippin'.

No, I didn't choke the shit out of him or drill him in the chops. Sure, I thought about it for a second, but I'd get in a world of shit and Zombies are just not worth gettin' in trouble over. Somehow, ER Nurses are just expected to put up with this kinda shit.

No, I don't know why that is. I've pressed charges on a few of 'em, but nothing happens. The Zombie Lawyer uses that charge as a barginning chip in the plea agreement and a charge of - "Fu*king with the ER Nurses" doesn't seem to carry much weight. Poof! They just magically dissappear.

I will say that the local cops are none to gentle with Zombies who f**k with the Nurses. Bless 'em. ER workers and Cops, have a symbiotic relationship. I always try to help the Cops and Damn, they sure help me when I need 'em. They just weren't there yet.

I'm upset that I let that Zombie sandbag me into thinking things were cool. That never would have happened a few years ago.

Santa Facts ................

This info comes via Greg Beck One seriously entertaining guy. I will have to add him on the next links update. I'm shamelessly stealing this whole damn post of his here. Yeah, I'm a dick, but you should go and check him out, anyway.

"I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out the fuckin flying reindeer which only Santa seems to have ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion stinkin assed kids (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist bed-wetter’s, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison--this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. “The boat, not the old chick”.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now."
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See why I like this guy?

Talk about man's best friend...Taz the dog saved his owner, adventure racer Danelle Balengee, after she slipped and fell down a cliff in Moab, Utah, broke her pelvis and had to spend the night in the freezing cold. Taz stuck to her side for the first night, then returned down the 5 mile trail where he got the attention of rescuers and led them to back to her. You can read the full story here.

My favorite quote:

"We were going to try to identify the dog, but the dog basically didn't want to be caught and instead turned around and headed back toward the trail," said Curt Brewer, chief deputy with the Grand County Sheriff's Office. "When that happened, the search crew decided to follow the dog. And the dog took our rescue personnel right to her. I think we would have eventually found her, because we were in the right location, but the dog saved us some time."

Good dog, Taz!

Ballengee's athletic career includes three Primal Quest adventure race victories, four Pikes Peak Marathon wins and a wealth of honors and awards in sports ranging from snowshoeing to mountain running. She was inducted into the Sportswomen of Colorado Hall of Fame in March, 2006.

Patriot Guard Ride Today ................

Got up this morning and was checking the email and saw that there was a Patriot Guard mission today for a young Airmen. This was a rather hasty gathering and the organizers only had one day to get the word out. I haven't ridden to a Patriot Guard Riders (PGR) gathering in quite some time and was feeling guilty about that just the other day so I changed my plans for the day and hauled off to points North.

They really did a heck of a job. There were not a whole lot of PGR folks there, 25-30, but the mission organizers had set up a bunch of flags around the Funeral Home and the local Firemen brought a ladder truck which had a huge flag on the ladder. This was extended up over the street and facing the funeral home. Very nice. I'll try to get some pics for you.

It's always a very moving thing for me to be able to show respect and thankfulness for Our Fallen Heros and their Families and I think, the PGR does a wonderful service for those who have sacrificed for us.

If you're not familiar with the Patriot Guard Riders, here's their Mission Statement:

Patriot Guard Riders Mission Statement

The Patriot Guard Riders is a diverse amalgamation of riders from across the nation. We have one thing in common besides motorcycles. We have an unwavering respect for those who risk their very lives for America's freedom and security. If you share this respect, please join us.

We don't care what you ride or if you ride, what your political views are, or whether you're a hawk or a dove. It is not a requirement that you be a veteran. It doesn't matter where you're from or what your income is; you don't even have to ride. The only prerequisite is Respect.

Our main mission is to attend the funeral services of fallen American heroes as invited guests of the family.

Each mission we undertake has two basic objectives.

1. Show our sincere respect for our fallen heroes, their families, and their communities.

2. Shield the mourning family and friends from interruptions created by any protestor or group of protestors.

We accomplish the latter through strictly legal and non-violent means.

To those of you who are currently serving and fighting for the freedoms of others, at home and abroad, please know that we are backing you. We honor and support you with every mission we carry out, and we are praying for a safe return home for all.

Pretty straight forward and simple.

The people I have met at the missions I have been able to go to are really special. Lots of Harley's and Black Leather. Everyone is friendly, helpful and they are all focused on doing their best for the Families of The Servicemembers. These guys and gals are what I would call - Top Shelf.

I would encourage any and all of you to think about becoming active in the PGR. If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer whatever I can. Either leave me a comment or email me at the address on the profile page.

I always feel great after a long run, and for about an hour afterwards, I feel like I'm at my creative peak for the day. Isn't it always the case that you come up with your great idea in your warm down or in the shower afterwards? I had always assumed this rush of clarity was due to the runner's high, breaking a sweat, or the pleasant distraction of nature. But Harvard Medical School professor Dr. Herbert Benson has a different theory which he tested and documented in his book, The Breakout Principle: How to Activate the Natural Trigger That Maximizes Creativity, Athletic Performance, Productivity and Personal Well-Being. In short, he says that it's the point that we back off from a stressful event that triggers our creative peak, thanks to a transformative "relaxation response" that pumps nitric oxide through the body and helps get into the right train of thought.

In the book, he outlines four critical stages of the relaxation response:

• First, you must undergo hard mental or physical struggle. A trail run would be a perfect example of such a physical challenge. A period of mental focus, like knitting or a crossword, is an example of a mental challenge.
  
• Second, during the period of stress, you pull out the "breakout trigger" that eases the mind away from the day-to-day stresses. Hanson's research shows this is more than just your mind drifting away - it is a biochemical reaction that pumps nitric oxide through the body. Nitric oxide counters the negative effects of the stress hormone (norepinephrine) that comes with step 1, thereby reducing the heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and in general lowering the metabolism. Nitric oxide is also associated with increased levels of endorphins and dopamine.
  
• Third, your mind makes a clean break (referred to as a "breakout proper") and in that moment, you have a peak experience. What is the peak experience? In general, it's a positive connection of some sort, such as a new way of looking at a problem, a new idea, or perhaps a personal best athletic performance.
  
• Lastly, your mind acheives a "new normal state" of mind and body, with improved performance and new brain patterns. I think this is the hour of creative bliss that I feel after my long runs.

One thing that Dr. Benson notes in his research is that it's important to ease off your stressful event before it becomes too stressful. Citing the Yerkes-Dodson Law, formulated by Harvard researchers Robert M.Yerkes and John D. Dodson in 1908, he says that efficiency and performance increase as stress increases, but only up to a certain point. When stress becomes too great, performance and efficiency tend to decline, the researchers discovered. So for optimizing your mental game, going reaaaallly long may not be the best thing.

My Breakout Lesson

I had a life-changing breakout moment on one of my long runs a few years back, and I continue to reference it regularly to keep my life in balance. It happened around mile 9 (where it almost always happens) on a Thursday morning run in Huddart Park, when this thought entered my head:

"There is no such thing as work/life balance. There is only life balance."

It was a simple thought, but profound. At this time in my life, all of my fun actitivites were largely to balance out the stress of my job. I needed to to run to stay fit for long days at work...I had to take vacations because I was of the verge of exhaustion...I had to interact with my family to tether me back to reality after talking about the future high tech all day. It hadn't occured to me think of work as a cohesive part of my life - it was always at odds with everything. Is there a job out there that doesn't create unneeded stress, has respect for my personal life, and embraces who I am? Is it possible to get peace of mind FROM work? Absolutely. I resigned from my job soon afterwards.

I still think about "life balance" regularly, especially in this time of the season when my running is purely for fun and not for an upcoming event. Everything contributes to balance, and probably nothing more than finding an easy way to reach your creative peak regularly.

How about you guys? Any breakout thoughts or experiences that have helped you? Feel free to leave comments if you would like. I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season.

Thanks, SD

Now This Looks Promising ..............

"Diabetes breakthrough
Toronto scientists cure disease in mice"
We'll have to see if THIS pans out. Any type of help for Diabetics would be a good thing.

"Diabetic mice became healthy virtually overnight after researchers injected a substance to counteract the effect of malfunctioning pain neurons in the pancreas."

Wait a minute. They were testing this shit on Mice!?!?

Better not let This Asshole hear about that. Because, ya know it's better to let kids die than to use mice in experiments.

Here, have a toke. It's easier to follow the logic if you do.

Knock, Knock. Anybody out There????????????
After a few hectic days, I'm doing absolutely nothing today. Took a short bike ride today in the 50 to 60 degree weather here. Global Warming? Who gives a shit?

Worked a few extra days and about wore my ol' ass out. I don't know what I'd do if I had to really work for a living all the time. Damn lucky that generally, I only have my normal 3 days a week. That includes the 2nd job, BTW. Yeah, I got it good.

Then why am I so damn grumpy lately?





















Don't know where I stole these at or I'd tell ya. I'm wondering if Santa will bring me something along these lines. Hopefully she owns a liquor store, too.




















There's only 10 days till Christmas, so I better start using some of these pics. That's it for now.

Takin' Care of Bizness ............

With apologies to BTO for stealing that line, but that's where I've been lately. One of the Nurses I work with fell asleep while driving home the other morning and ran her car into a tree. She's pretty badly injured and will be laid up for some time even after she get's out of the hospital.

She injured herself pretty badly and I've been pickin' up some of the shifts here to help out the boss. You kids be nice for now and I'll be back in a day or 3.

Maybe say a prayer for her and her family in the meantime. Her husband recently had a fall and broke his arm and it looks like he's gonna have to have surgery on it again. Don't know how either of them will be able to keep up with the 2 little ones.

Troubles, troubles, troubles. She's too nice of a person to have to deal with this. She'll be alright in the long run, but things are gonna' be rough for awhile.

Gotta run.

40-year-old ultramarathoner and triathlete Marc Witkes unexpectedly died of a heart attack at mile 21.5 of the Tucson Marathon this Sunday. Although I didn't personally know Marc, I had read his blog on many occasions, and knew he had completed some of the craziest endurance sports out there (double- and triple-Ironman, Sri Chimnoy 700-mile, Hardrock, and more). He was an active board member of the Hardrock 100, and the President of the popular Durango Moterless Transit (running) Club. He was always promoting local Durango athletes and their accomplishments in triathlon, XTerra, and ultrarunning. He will certainly be missed.

You can read more about Marc's untimely death here at the Arizona Daily Star. If you don't mind the eerie feeling of reading his rather-current blog, you can also do so here. He was a gifted sports writer.

My heart is out to his friends, family, and the endurance athletes of Durango. I hope we all can feel good knowing that he died doing what he loves, and would want nothing more than for us to continue. Tomorrow's run is dedicated to Marc - you were 5 miles from finishing the marathon at a 6:35 min/mile pace, so I will complete it for you to honor your spirit.

Cheers, SD

Exxon Valdez? That Was Nothin' .............

Everyone's heard the story of the Exxon Valdez.

(Cue Music, Here)
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Early in the morning?
Put him in charge of an Exxon Tanker!
Put him in charge of an Exxon Tanker!
Put him in charge of an Exxon Tanker!
Early in the morning!
(Fade Music)

Yeah, drunk Captain runs Supertanker aground and spills oil all over the place. Bah! Where's the excitement in that?

The day that the Redneck Valdez burned? THAT was exciting.

The Redneck Valdez? That's the name of my old red Ford Pickup truck. It's a ratty old junker that I used to haul shit around with and occasionally drive to work.

I named it, The Redneck Valdez, because it looks like it's been run aground and wherever you park it? There's an oil spill. Simple really.

And what oil doesn't leak out while parked, gets blown out the exhaust pipe while driving. Not, "A Little Oil either", I'm talking A LOT of oil. In the neighborhood of 1 quart every 60 miles or so. Coupled with the 10 mpg (highway mileage) gas consumption, you can see how The Redneck Valdez doesn't get a lot of use other than hauling things from point A to point B.

Circumstances forced me to drive the old beast to work one Friday afternoon. 60 miles each way. Hey, just take it easy, make sure there's some extra oil, and stay in the slow lane on the Interstate. What can go wrong?

I'd been using it to carry a load of straw, a mower and some other BS the day before and had to get all that shit unloaded before going to work, which I did. Well most of it anyway and hit the highway.

I hit the Interstate and headed South for the longer than usual drive. It was the 4th of July weekend and the traffic was crazy heavy and I was chugging along at 55 in the slow lane and pissing off everyone, but things were going ok, overall.

Now I've got a bit of a vision problem, as in, I don't see much out of my right eye. I'm used to it and do OK most of the time, but I kept getting this weird impression of seeing something in my rearview mirror. I'd look up and check to be sure and there'd be nothing but the traffic behind me. This happened repeatedly for about 10 miles and it was starting to bother me and My Official Trouble Sensor, Spider Sense, or whatever you call it was beginning to ping pretty hard.

Traffic was very heavy, but I tried to keep checking the mirror more frequently and sure enough, just for a second, I thought I saw a wiff of smoke back there. I was just getting to the WTF is that shit coming from stage, when all of a sudden, a BUNCH of smoke started coming from the back of the truck!

Remember all that straw I'd been carrying? Yeah, there was a LOT of loose straw still left back there and one of my cigarette butts I had tossed had landed back there and started it alight. Those fleeting images in the mirror? The smoldering straw.

There was a minivan right on my bumper and when I next looked up the whole bed of the truck went up in flames. Whoosh! All I could hear were tires squealing and horns behind me.

Hey, it's only some loose straw. No big deal, right? Wrong. There was a plastic, 5 gallon can of gasoline right in the middle of the conflagration.

I thought to myself, Shit I'm not driving a truck, I'm driving a damn bomb!

There was a guardrail on the side of the road and not much room to pull over, but I whipped over while leaving only a small streak of red paint on the rail. I jumped out the passenger window and started thinking of Richard Pryor. Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit. Like I said, there was a LOT of straw and it was really burning. Flames were 3 feet above the cab now.

As luck would have it, there was a 1/2 full bucket of water back there too. I dumped that over and put out the flames, breathed a sigh of relief ............ and saw the Peterbilt that was aimed right at and bearing down on the back of the, now smoldering Redneck Valdez. I jumped over the guardrail and rolled down the embankment about 6-8 feet and waited for the crash which I was sure was gonna happen, but didn't occur.

I sat there for a second and then crawled back up to the truck and gave everything a quick look see. Hmmm. Everything looked ok, so I crawled back into the passenger window and got behind the wheel again. That's when I noticed that the drivers side mirror was knocked forward into the front fender.

Damn. That was close.

Then I started laughing like a Retard with a new container of Silly Putty, thinking about the driver of that Minivan! He, most certainly got a shock from The Burning of The Redneck Valdez!

This Picture Still Leaves Me ............

Speechless.



I found this pic at The Freedom Folks last year.

Arlington National Cemetery. What more can you say?

I'll be randomly adding this pic to posts from now till Christmas.

Just 'cause I feel like it.

The Freedom Folks link on the sidebar was another one that got lost during the big links mess. Darn, that's ANOTHER one I have to get put back over there. I'm really gonna have to get motivated.

Tis The Season ................

I went shopping for Christmas today. Not that I haven't purchased a few already, but today I actually left the house and drove to a real store. Hooked the DogBoy up wiff somethin' cool and the DogBoy will be pleased. The little shit.

I so hate to shop. I don't even like shopping for myself. But, since I was in the neighborhood I stopped in at Gander Mountain. Damn near bought a pistol. But, I was out to buy presents for others, so I held the urge in check. Yeah, I'm a damn Saint.

I've got a shitload of funny stuff around here so I'm gonna be tossing it out as the Season progresses. I may have posted these last year. Who knows? I

still like 'em so there ya go.

Always Listen to Your Mom .................

Remember how Mom always told you to have clean undies, in case you ever ended up in the ER? Yeah, I think most of us heard that at least once.

A few weeks ago, EMS brought in an elderly man in full cardiac arrest. He had a scar on his chest, indicating he had had a cardiac bypass sometime in the past. That's about all the info we had. During the course of the resuscitation, his pants were removed. Lo and Behold, instead of Boxers or Tighty Whities, he was wearing a Gold Lame', woman's Bikini bottom.

This kind of thing always makes for some pretty interesting conversation. Most of which I won't detail here.

Unfortunately, his will to die overcame our efforts to save him and resuscitation efforts were called off. One of the students asked, "What do you think happened"?

I calmly explained to her that having an obvious cardiac history, when he began having chest pains, he realized he would be going to the ER. Knowing that he was wearing his special fancy undies .....
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-
-
-
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............... He died of embarrassment.

December 7th, 1941 .......................






Never forget our hero's. Those of yesterday and those serving today.

Please, Sign up today and sponsor a Soldier, Sailor, Airmen or Marine. I'd really like any and all of you to think about this.

I had most of the following links on the sidebar until the big link crash a few months back. Shame on me for not getting them back up before now. Well, better late then never.

Seriously, I would encourage all of you to take a few minutes of your time and donate a few bucks to at least one of these organizations.

Here's a few links for you to get started with. I'll get these back on the sidebar where they belong tonight.
Soldiers Angels.

The USO - Send a USO care package

Any Soldier.com

The Fisher House

Wounded Warrior Project

Adopt a Platoon

I know, everyone is tugging at your wallet this time of year and we all have only so much we can spare ........ But please consider spending a few bucks to help out and support our Service Members who sacrifice so much. So willingly. For so many.

We here at GrumpyUnk Central contribute to both Soldiers Angels and the USO. I would like to challenge each of you who find there way here to contribute somehow.

If you have a blog or a website? Do some linkage to the above sites. I don't get any friggin' traffic here, so if you do, or can help. Have at it.

Think about getting a Corporate thing going at your place of business. I should figure out something on that angle for those cheap bastards I work for. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Unbelievable Happening This Morning in the ER ...............

EMS brings in a young female from her home. Patient is unresponsive and Tachycardic (Rapid Heart rate). The only info we get is that she's been "sick" for about a week. Takes no regular meds and has no allergies to meds.

One look and you can tell this kid's in trouble. She's totally not aware of her surroundings and sweating like a pig.

Why is she sweating like a pig, you ask?

BECAUSE HER TEMPERATURE (rectally) WAS 107.8 DEGREES!!

Here's the first thing I thought of when heard what the temp was -


Smell that?

That's Good 'ole Country Fried Brain Cells!












I've been doing this job for a long time now and I've only seen one other person with a temp like that. That was an elderly guy with a huge untreated brain bleed and his elevated temp wasn't really unexpected.

107.8 is NOT expected in a young female. She was obviously in Septic Shock and not compensating any longer. Here's a little info on Septic Shock and Another One Here, if you're interested.

We jumped all over her and did everything that we should have done - Lines (ended up with 3 IV's), High flow O2, Labs, Fluids (Lots of fluids), Tylenol, Ice to the vital spots, Catheter and Antibiotics (Two Different Ones) all in about an hour. We then flew her out to a big Med Center. Her temp was down to ONLY 103.5 when she left. I don't think I've ever been happy to get a temp of only 103.5.

About 6 hours later, the Med Center calls. First thing that crosses my mind is "Oh Shit. She's crumped already". I was wrong. It seems that the young lady had a bad appendix. As in it had burst. Probably yesterday. But they tell me she was alert and and answering questions appropriately and her temp was down to 100 degrees even as she went into surgery.

All I can say is - Wow. She may make it and if she does, it sounds like her brain will have some function to boot. Hopefully her Kidneys come back online and she doesn't continue into DIC or Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation as her labs indicated she was heading. Technically, there's a lot more to this story and as interesting as this shit is to me and other ER Geeks, I'll spare you the details.

Suffice to say - This was a first.